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Yoriko and Mike VS Ashley and Red
Yoriko and Mike VS Ashley and Red is a What-If episode of Death Battle, pitting Yoriko and Mike from Arcana Heart against Ashley and Red from WarioWare. Description Arcana Heart vs WarioWare! Two young, inexpert witches and their demonic assistants duke it out to see who's the deadliest! Interlude (cues Invader) Wiz: Witches. In fairy tales, they are by far the most common villains, greedy and evil, often depicted as old and ugly ladies. Boomstick: In videogames, they are cute teenagers that spend their time on potions and caldrons with their demonic helpers, and have no real influence on the plot! Just like Yoriko, the Maiden of Evil. Wiz: And Ashley, Diamond City's youngest witch. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armors and skills to find out who would win in a DEATH BATTLE. Yoriko and Mike Wiz: Arcana Heart is a 2D fighting game, in which every playable character is a girl who serves as a "maiden" for creatures called Arcanas. Boomstick: The only game in which you can put an italian lesbian vampire/nun against an insecure teenager wizard with a giant demonic dildo. And guess who's the last one! Wiz: Yoriko Yasuzumi is a fourteen years old apprentice witch with a passion for cats. She's shy, introverted, and has a passion for books and the occult. Boomstick: She practices with black magic and is the Maiden of the Arcana of Evil, although she is probably the least evil character in the game! Wiz: Once, she tried to summon a low-level demon as her servant to practice with her dark powers. She invited over Lilica Felchernow, a prankster young demon who is also her best friend, and she started drawing a magic circle on the ground. Boomstick: Hovewer, she chickens out and runs to the bathroom to encourage herself. In the meanwhile, that bastard of Lilica thinks it would be funny to draw the circle again by herself! Wiz: When Yoriko casted the spell, the new circle didn't summon a weak demon, instead it summoned Michelangelo, the self-proclaimed Demon Lord. Boomstick: A giant feline skull on a giant staff that looks like a giant dildo. Not to be confused with the ninja turtle. Wiz: Yoriko was now forced to take Michelangelo, also called Mike, everywhere with her, exploring Tokyo and the magic disturbances of its sky, and satisfying his desires. Boomstick: WOO-HOO! Wiz: Doughnuts and crescent rolls. He specifically said he hasn't got any love interest over female humans. Boomstick: Oh, c'mon! But... what's her influence on the game plot? Wiz: In the game you have to save Tokyo by using the character you prefer, most of the characters don't have any influence on the plot. By the way, in her fights, Yoriko relies almost exclusively on Mike and his powers. Since he's a staff and he has no hands, he animates Yoriko's cape and uses it as his own body. Boomstick: Weird shit. But bitchslaps, bites and uppercuts with the cape aren't the only things that he does, as he sometimes uses Yoriko as a weapon by spinning her around. Wiz: Mike can also create a drill with the cape or bury his head like an ostrich, just to appear under their foe's feet and eat him. Those moves are respectively called the Raining Vengeance of Hades and the Rising Anguish of the Underworld. Boomstick: DAAAMN! Wiz: He can also glide using the cape as wings and shoot fireballs from his third eye. With the Ancient Talisman, the duo starts levitating; in this state they can shoot casts under the form of orbs in every direction. Boomstick: Let's get to the special moves! Wiz: The Safe Ancient Talisman Method is a more powerful version of the Ancient Talisman. They levitate and shoot magic orbs just like in the normal version, but now a magic triangle appears, surrounding and defending them as a shield. It will hit the enemies nearby, causing them to fall down. Hovewer, this won't cause damage to them. Boomstick: But the magic orbs will! Wiz: With the World Conquering Power of the Demon King, Mike uppercuts their foe in the air. He then will turn into a demon of gigantic proportions, which body is made up of the cape, that will shoot fireballs to the falling foe. Boomstick: Is this battle even about Yoriko? Wiz: The Life and Death Controlling Taboo Magic- Boomstick: -is one hell of a stupid name for a spell. Wiz: ... Mike blocks their foe on the ground and Yoriko absorbs his vital energy. Boomstick: She wouldn't go at the hot springs with her best friends but she has nothing against risking to kill them. Wiz: With the Heaven and Heart Scorching Conflagration of Makai... Boomstick: SERIOUSLY? Wiz: ... Mike charges their foe, leaving flames behind him. Boomstick: First we said that Yoriko is the Maiden of an Arcana. Her Arcana is Dieu Mort, a man who was called "Death" and then sentenced to death. Oh, the irony! Wiz: With Dieu Mort, Yoriko and Mike can teleport themselves behind their foe, or summon a black hole under his feet that will make them fall from the roof. Boomstick: Ya' know Noob Saibot, right? Wiz: Thanks to their Arcana, Yoriko and Mike can poison for short times their foe. It's said that this attack alone can kill its victim... Boomstick: And that's bullshit! Its effect is too short, the only way this could happen it's if the victim was on the point of dying. But in both cases this attack never killed someone, just knocked them down in the worst cases! Wiz: As we said before, Yoriko is extremely introvert and shy, although she becomes extremely chatty when it comes to occult. She's also quite a coward and hates how Mike treats her, although she would obey him without problems. Boomstick: She is an intellectual, although she is an airhead most of the times. She also sucks in Maths! In fights, without Mike she is nothing. She's an apprentice witch and most of her best spells happen just thanks to him! Yoriko: Woah, Mike, stop that! Let's go home... Please...? Ashley and Red Wiz: When the yellow, overweight plumber known as Wario founded the WarioWare Inc., various game developers joined his company to work with him. Boomstick: Like Orbulon, the 2015 years old alien invader that looks like... nevermind. Wiz: Mona, the high school cheerleader with a lot of part-time jobs that always keep her busy. Boomstick: Kat and Ana, the kindergarten... ninjas... no, wait, what the-''' Wiz: But we'll talk about Ashley, the young witch that lives in a mansion with her little demonic friend, Red. She's officially fifteen in America. '''Boomstick: She looks like she's 8 but she's older than Yoriko. Thanks, Japan! Wiz: Ashley spends her time developing videogames and training her magic abilities by creating potions. The only thing we know about her past is that her parents aren't here with her anymore, as they are most likely dead. Boomstick: The WarioWare crew had a blog in which every member had to write something, but Ashley wasn't interested in this, so she told to Red to write something for her. Wiz: The little demon wrote about their vacation, in which they saw a family of monkeys. Since they reminded her of her family, she started crying uncontrollably. The others wrote a lot of encouraging comments under that post, but Ashley was still extremely angry. Boomstick: In fact, she is shy, short-tempered and apparently mean, but after all she's fragile and desperately wants more friends. Wiz: This was her backstory, let's talk about some of their adventures now. Boomstick: In the original video of her main theme, Ashley tries to cast a spell on a sprig... Wiz: Turning it into a beautiful flower. Although Red is happy with the result, Ashley isn't. A consentient Spell Book arrives and tells Ashley that he can help her. After it, Ashley tries the spell again and turns the flower into a gargantuan carnivorous plant that destroys the mansion. Boomstick: And now she's satisfied. What a crazy-''' Wiz: In WarioWare DIY she starred in a movie with Red. Here it's shown that her hair turns white whenever she casts a spell with her wand, and that she owns a masks shop. She apparently really likes the masks and uses one of them to scare Red. '''Boomstick: In Game&Wario she reads a book and sees a page with a lot of monsters in it. As she is a crazy b... witch who loves the occult and the horror in general, she casts a spell to enter in that page... Wiz: But the wind moves the pages and she ends up in a world made of cookies and sweets. Boomstick: Again, Red loves that place while Ashley doesn't! Wiz: Unfortunately for them, the flying biscuits are consentient monsters, who attack them. Red becomes a broom as usual and Ashley rides him, destroying the biscuits with fireballs. Boomstick: Yeah... we'll get to that right now. Wiz: We'll consider every powers and spells she has shown to use in both the WarioWare games, the Smash series and her songs. Boomstick: Who's the girl next door living in the haunted mansion? Wiz: Ashley's main theme in the English version differs totally from the Japanese one. And the English song from the WarioWare games is also different from the English song in Smash Bros Brawl, so we will consider her feats that come from EVERY one of these songs. English Ashley in Smash Bros: I'm the coolest girl you'll ever meet! English Ashley in WarioWare: I'm the cruelest girl you'll ever meet! Japanese Ashley in both: There's going to be a party tonight! Boomstick: Wait what. Wiz: Thanks to these songs, we know a couple of the spells she can cast. "NAWA BUNA NUU" can make the victim laugh uncontrollably. "JIO IRA UN"... she doesn't even know. Boomstick: "IO DI EMU" is the one used to turn the sprig into a flower, and later the flower into the carnivorous plant we talked before! Wiz: "Pantalones giganticus" turns... well, the victim's pants become bigger. Boomstick: Red, the little demon with a trident is like a servant for Ashley, although he genuinely loves her company and viceversa. He can mutate into ''EVERY'' inanimate object he wants, as long as it's about his height! Wiz: In fact, Ashley's wand and broom are... Red. Although it's shown that she also owns another, actual broom. Plus, Red's trident is a part of his own body. Boomstick: She can also shoot fireballs and thunders from her hands! There's no limit to how many of them she can shoot. Wiz: Plus, she can create a purple fog around her, that will confuse the victims, sometimes causing them to become smaller for a limited amount of time. Boomstick: She can also turn people into various objects and foods, such as toasts! She used this power on her school teacher, turning her into a spoon. Wiz: But her most powerful attack is the one showed in Game&Wario. Ashley casts a spell that causes everything and everyone near her to explode. Hovewer, Red and her broom won't be affected. Boomstick: Hovewer, in the same game it's stated that only the 40% of her spells end up working. And just like the whole Dieu-Mort's-poison-instakills thing in Yoriko's analysis, that's just bullshit. The only times her spells didn't really work, were on the music video and in Game&Wario, due to the wind! Wiz: When she gets hurt too much, Ashley starts crying and stops doing whatever she was doing. She gives up whenever someone doesn't cheer her up. Boomstick: Ashley is lonely and asocial, but has the strong desire to have more friends, as Wario and Red are her only friends. Wiz: Although Red is her best friend, she has no problems sacrificing him to complete a potion. Ashley struggles as she wants friends but she can't get along with someone, even if she wants to. Boomstick: Buuuuut she won't have much time to meet new friends now... Ashley: The night sky is like a vast sea with many stars, I'm always alone! I want to be in good terms with everyone... what should I do? Pre-DEATH BATTLE (cues Invader) Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all! Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE! DEATH BATTLE! Yoriko: Uh... ? Where are we? Mike: Interesting. It looks like the Celestial Stones teleported us here. You must find another one to bring us back. I'm not even sure we are still in Japan. By touching the Celestial Stones that Angelia and Mildred were talking about, Yoriko and Mike find theirselves teleported to a misterious location. Yoriko: Oh... please Mike, help me! Look, that man is holding something shiny! Maybe it's a Celestial Stone! Let's ask him if we can borrow it! Mike: How can it be a Celestial Stone if he's still he- Oh, why do I even waste my time with you. Meanwhile Red: So, what is the ingredient we're searching for? The little demon says to Ashley, who is holding him with one hand and her Spells Book with another. Ashley: I need a small inhuman living being. If we don't find that white alien we saw before, I'll just use you instead. She answers, smiling to Red. The two are best friends and live together, but seeing Ashley smiling is a rare event, even for him. ???: WAH!? That's mine! The duo turn around to see what's happening. Ashley: Oh... Wario. Yoriko is trying to take Wario's coin from his hands, while he defends himself biting the air in their direction. Yoriko: PLEASE! We just need to touch it once! We don't want to cause problems! Ashley: Now that's weird. Wario can't defend his own money from a thief with a giant cat-staff? Mike: I'M NOT A STAFF, NOR A CAT! I'm Michelangelo, Lord of the Demons! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! Mike watches her, expecting a scared reaction. Ashley: Lord of the Demons? Yoriko: Oh... Don't start this again, Mike... please... Ashley: That's pretty cool. But it gives you no right to steal my friend's money. Even if he's an incompetent and greedy boss. Wario: ... Mike: We weren't stealing anything from him! Why would I need to appropriate of such an overweight elf's things? Now go away, pathetic girl! Wario: ... Red and Yoriko: Uh-oh... Ashley: Pathetic? Pathetic? I'm not the Lord of the Demons that needs the help of a girl to walk here. Wario: *runs away with the money* Mike: Enough! Yoriko, take me near that irritating girl! Yoriko: Oh, Mike... ! Ashley: Red? I hope you're ready. Red turns himself into a magic wand. FIGHT Ashley: JIO IRA UN! Mike counters the spell with a fireball, shot by his third eye. Ashley prepares to cast another spell, but Mike bitchslaps her with Yoriko's cape. Ashley: WHOA! Ashley falls down and slowly gets up. Mike: What happened? Did my powers scare you? Yoriko: Mike, stop! ... please! She's just a kid! Yoriko says, while watching Ashley fainting. Ashley: Nothing scares me! NAWA BUNA NUU! The spell hits the Demon Lord. Yoriko and Mike wait, expecting for something to happen. Mike: What was that? I think you still need more training before engaging a fight! *laughs* Ashley watches him with a satisfied smile. Mike: *laughs* Yoriko: Uhu... Mike? Are you ok? Mike: *keeps laughing* Yoriko: Uhu... Mike! Please! We need to defend ourse... wait, where is that girl? Yoriko feels something touching her shoulder. She turns around, still with the laughing demon in her hands. Ashley: Boo. Ashley shoots a thunder on Mike's third eye from her hand. Mike: AARGH! YOU INSOL- Mike uppercuts the little witch and prepares himself to do the World Conquiring Power of the Demon King. He uses Yoriko's cape to create a giant body for himself, and once he reaches a sufficient height, he shoots fireballs to the falling victim's body. But this time, the victim wasn't falling down as usual... Mike: Uhm... Where is she? Ashley: Were you really expecting me to fall like an idiot? Red now turned into a broom, while Ashley was shooting fireballs from her hand. Ashley avoids all of Mike's fireballs and shoots hers back. Mike: Brace yourself, Yoriko! Yoriko: Uhu? Miiiik-'' Mike grabs Yoriko and fly towards Ashley as he is a magic broom. '''Ashley: I'm not sure you can see or even listen while you are a broom, but everything's going fine, Re- WHOOO!' Mike bites her and throws her to the ground. Red turns normal back and jumps in her direction. Ashley: I... I can't... it hurts! Ashley lays on the ground, incapable of getting up as her chest still hurts because of the bite. Ashley: Red... it hurts! Red: Don't worry Ashley! I'll take care of it at home! But now, we have to defeat these two! Ok? The demon says, trying to hide his concern for the blood coming out of Ashley's little body. Ashley holds his hand in Red's. Ashley: O-ok... but... Red, when you turn into an object, you stop being "live" for a while, right? Yoriko: Mike! Look! She's bleeding! We have to stop that! Mike hoicks Yoriko and headbutts Ashley. Mike: You'll learn what "respect" means, insolent girl! YORIKO! Yoriko: N-no! Mike grabs Ashley and Red, knocking them down, and forces Yoriko to take her position to do the Life and Death Controlling Taboo Magic. Yoriko: Mike! We'll steal their vital energy! They will die! Ashley: NOW! Red becomes a wand again, and Ashley covers herself from the attack with it, causing the Taboo absorption to fail. Ashley: Bye bye! Ashley creates a purple fog that encircles Yoriko and Mike. Yoriko: I... I can't see anything! Ashley: HOCUS POCUS! A fireball touches Yoriko's cape. Ashley: HOCUS POCUS, HOCUS POCUS, HOCUS POCUS! Mike: She's burning it! Mike charges to bite Ashley one more time, but she casts her explosive spell against him, grazing his skull. Mike: Argh... Yoriko! Ancient Talisman! Yoriko: No Mikey! Stop that! Mike: YORIKO! Mike grabs Yoriko's sweater with his bites and spins her around, throwing her against Ashley. Ashley: Ouch... Yoriko: I'm... I'm sorry! I... I'm not feeling very well... Yoriko: Oh, it's because we poisoned you! Ashley: Ah... Wait, what!? Mike charges once again in their direction, screaming, while Ashley takes her Spells Book and opens it. When Mike is on the point of biting them, Ashley grabs Red/her wand and touches his head. Ashley: Stop. Mike: Wha- Mike flies into Ashley's book pages. Mike: Where am I? What are these? Cookies? Ashley: You'll love them. She closes the book and gives it to Yoriko. Ashley: I feel like this belongs to you now. Care to tell me how to remove that poison from me now? She says, as she lays down on the ground. Yoriko: O-oh, sure! We'll heal you! And Mike will learn a lesson or two, right, Mikey? Mike: Why do these biscuits fly? Ashley: Phew, I'm tired. K.O. Ashley, Red and Yoriko are shown walking and chatting together to Ashley's mansion. Results Boomstick: So... what happened? Who won? Wiz: I... don't know. While Yoriko and Mike hold the power to kill Ashley, her and Red can come up with strategies sufficient enough to avoid almost every attack that could eventually kill them. Boomstick: Plus, by always stopping Mike, both the brain and the muscles of his duo, Yoriko unwillingly helped Ashley in having more times to prepare for their attacks! Wiz: Ashley and Red also has the power sufficient to kill Yoriko, but Mike will always find a way to block it, counter it or take the attack for Yoriko. Boomstick: After all, he's a giant cat-skull dildo the Demon Lord! So... I guess it's going to be a bewitching friendship? Wiz: This battle is a DRAW. Next time on DEATH BATTLE! Category:McGasher Category:What-If? 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